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單詞卡片
Okay Yes let me introduce myself Um
好 對 我來自我介紹一下
Hi I'm a thermostat
你好 我是恒溫器
and look I know these two don't like each other too much okay
看 我知道這兩口子 現(xiàn)在關(guān)系不太好 好嗎
Dual climate zones You ever heard of it
雙溫區(qū)控制 你們聽說過嗎
It's not a problem It's literally what I'm designed to do
真沒什么大不了的 這正是我的設(shè)計初衷
Oh okay
哦 好吧
Now I know what it feels like to be the kid stuck in a divorce
現(xiàn)在我總算體會到了那種 離婚家庭孩子的感受
ferrying messages between two parents
整天在爸媽之間當(dāng)傳話筒
Oh my God Again
哦 天啊 又來了
You know what Winter gets pretty cold here
你們知道嗎 這兒的冬天可冷得很
If they want passive aggressive just wait until it gets below freezing
既然他們想玩冷戰(zhàn)這一套 那就等溫度降到零度以下
I'll show them passive aggressive
我讓他們瞧瞧什么是真正的冷戰(zhàn)
When used as directed
按說明正確使用的話
I clear 99 9% of all the plaque that builds up on the surfaces of your teeth
我能清除你牙齒表面堆積的 99.9%的牙菌斑
When used as directed Chad
重點是按說明正確使用 查德
And I don't mean like a light wave in the general vicinity of your mouth
我說的可不是一周來一次那種在嘴邊
once a week
隨便晃一晃
No one wants to kiss him
沒人愿意親他
The toaster has sympathy for the bread that has to enter this guy's mouth
連烤面包機都同情 那些要進他嘴里的面包
Even the dog "nopes" the hell out
連狗都躲著他的嘴
And that thing licks buttholes okay
那玩意兒可是會舔屁股的啊
And then he goes to the dentist
然后他去看牙醫(yī)
and when they tell him his gums look worse than a rabid coyote's
當(dāng)醫(yī)生說他的牙齦 比得了狂犬病的郊狼還爛得嚇人時
he just plays innocent He's like "W well how I brush every day "
他就在那裝無辜 他說："怎么會呢 我每天都刷牙的"
Don't make me party to your lies Chad
別拿我給你打掩護撒謊 查德
Fucking floss man
他媽的快去用牙線吧
You have bacon in there from 1996
你牙縫里的培根肉都是1996年的
1 2 3 4 is not a security code
1234不是安全密碼
I see meth heads lurking in the woods waiting for her to leave
我看到那些吸嗨的癮君子 就在樹林里盯梢 等著她出門
What does she think the first damn thing they'll type into my keypad is
她覺得這幫人 首先嘗試輸進鍵盤的密碼會是什么
When she gets robbed when she gets robbed
等她被搶的時候 這種事早晚會發(fā)生
I'm just gonna ask if they'll take me with them
我就要問問那些賊 能不能順便把我也帶走
This dude eats a lot of lentils I mean a lot
這家伙總是吃扁豆 真的吃很多
You know what it is He thinks I'm deodorizing his house
你知道問題在哪嗎 他以為我在給他家除臭
Understand this
明白這一點
I just take dust and particles out of the air bro
我只是清除 空氣中的灰塵和顆粒物 兄弟
That's what I do I don't do methane
這就是我的工作 我可處理不了甲烷
Here's my question How do you get used to that smell
我就想問一句 你是怎么習(xí)慣這個味道的
And I'm asking you honestly
我是真心在問
I mean at what point can you just ignore
我是說 你是什么時候開始無視
that you're constantly leaking out a greenhouse gas
自己一直 往外泄露溫室氣體這件事的
Let me tell you something If he ever lights a candle in here
跟你說 要是他哪天在這屋里點根蠟燭
we are all going to die
咱們都得玩完
I have six customizable pulse settings
我有六種可調(diào)節(jié)的脈沖模式
Mist rain shower full body massage
細(xì)霧 雨淋 淋浴 全身按摩
pulsating massage and ultra power pulsating massage
律動按摩 還有超強律動按摩
The other appliances tell me she hasn't had a date in four years
其他電器跟我說她已經(jīng)四年沒約會了
but I You know I just I just want to clean people
但是你知道 我只是想給人洗澡而已
I mean I'm sorry about her dating life okay I I I really am
我是說 對于她的感情生活 我表示很遺憾 好嗎 真的
But I would prefer to keep it professional
但是我更希望保持專業(yè)關(guān)系
I just want to be frien Oh Oh okay
我只是想當(dāng)朋 哦 好吧
I've never been out of this cabinet
我從來沒離開過這個櫥柜
I was a housewarming gift from his parents
我是他42歲第一次有了自己的公寓時
when he got his first apartment at 42 years old
他父母送的喬遷禮物
He plays video games and smokes weed all day
他整天就知道打游戲 抽大麻
It's pretty much all he does
基本上就只會干這個
The other appliances will confirm he's never cooked a thing in his kitchen
我是說 其他廚房電器都能作證 他從來沒在這個廚房做過任何東西
Ever
從來沒有
Yeah
對
My only hope of getting out of here is if someone or something swipes right
我唯一能離開這里的希望 就是有人或東西在交友軟件上向右滑
Oh my God
哦 我的天啊
I'm gonna die a waffle virgin
我連一塊華夫餅都沒做過就要死去
Holy shit
我的天啊
The chefs started out with the goal of wowing our judges
最初 參賽者們的目標(biāo)
using the ingredients in their mystery baskets
是用神秘籃子里的食材 讓評委們眼前一亮
Now only two remain
現(xiàn)在只剩下兩個人了
I'm sworn to secrecy
我發(fā)誓要保守秘密
That's all I'll say
這是我唯一能說的
Except this
不過還有一點
When I'm working she likes to watch episodes of Chopped
當(dāng)我工作的時候 她喜歡看《廚藝大戰(zhàn)》
Honey Don't ask me why
我知道 別問我為什么
I don't even guess why
我都懶得猜為什么
I'm a sex toy not a therapist
我是性玩具 不是治療師
I'd rather watch Squid Game but let's not get into my kinks
我倒是更想看《魷魚游戲》 不過還是別討論我的特殊愛好了
Why would anyone even think to give a toilet intelligence
誰會想到要讓馬桶擁有智能啊
What horrible person would do that
得多壞的人才會這么干
Was I like Stalin in a past life or something
我上輩子是斯大林還是怎么的
Oh God
哦 天啊
The refrigerator just told me it's taco night
冰箱剛剛告訴我 他們今晚吃墨西哥玉米卷
and Brenda's making them extra spicy
布倫達還要放超級多辣椒
Please just kill me now
求求你們現(xiàn)在就殺了我吧
Maybe I'll come back as a showerhead or something
也許下輩子我能轉(zhuǎn)世成淋浴噴頭
Yeah that'd be fine
對 那樣就挺好
Let me guess
讓我猜猜
The Toilet was whining to you about how hard life is
那個馬桶跟你抱怨生活有多艱難
That's adorable
真是天真呢